this is why I like watching movies alone

If you’re also struggling with ADHD (or just ADD), you probably know exactly what I mean.

Watching movies.

Don’t get me wrong – I genuinely enjoy watching movies with my partner. We just don’t do it often, not because we don’t like it, but because I struggle to focus long enough to make it enjoyable.

Sitting through a 1.5‑hour movie feels like torture. I can’t stay still. Sure, we take breaks, but it’s never enough for me. That’s why even a 45‑minute episode can take us up to two hours to finish. And I don’t enjoy it. I feel like I’m constantly forcing him to pause so I can walk to another room, lie on the bed for five minutes, or scratch my face.

Funny enough, when I watch things alone, it can take me days to finish a single movie. Don’t even get me started on TV series – one episode can take me a week.

I’ve only recently realised that this is simply my way of watching things. I know I can’t focus for long, and I need more stimulation than just a movie (at least most of the time). I often have to rewind because I stopped listening and lost the plot. But that’s the thing – watching alone lets me do that as often as I need. And trust me, I do it a lot.

And no, I don’t enjoy it. It’s not really “watching,” is it? I just like having something playing in the background, even if I’m too busy to actually listen or look at the screen. And very often, when I’m already in bed, I’ll put something on YouTube just to scroll Instagram instead.

As a neurodivergent person, I often find sounds annoying or overstimulating. My dog barking, my partner sneezing or burping in the other room, my cats digging in their litter box – I feel like I want to rip my ears off. But the TV? That’s what I fall asleep to. And it’s not some faint background noise; it’s usually so loud that when my partner comes into the bedroom, he covers his ears. I only notice it when he points it out.

I guess it’s partly connected to my anxiety and the fear of being alone with my loud thoughts. I truly despise silence, because that’s when my thoughts are the loudest and the hardest to control.